Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism
The Different Types of Narcissism
In Why Being Selfish is Good I talk about how being a little selfish in your life could be beneficial. However, being too selfish – To the point of extreme narcissism can be extremely detrimental. As I have mentioned in that article narcissism can be described as this obsession that you are better than everyone else. These people cannot take criticism and have a fear of being inferior to others. If you have read my other article the people I am about to describe would be about a 9-10 on the scale.
It is best to avoid these people at all costs before you adopt these same mindsets they have. In order to do so I will give you the signs of a narcissist. It is also important to realize you may be a bit of a narcissist yourself! So make sure you think about yourself when reading this too.
Why Are People Narcissistic?
A psychoanalyst name D.W. Winnicott theorized that children are born with an innate sense of how a parent should treat their child. When parents are neglectful children think there is something wrong with them. As a result these children feel extreme shame about themselves and this shame is awakened whenever other people criticize them. These people’s self-images are extremely damaged to the point that they are so insecure that even a mere joke at their expense will completely humiliate them. As a result they create a fake self-image of superiority over others in order to hide their true selves.
Narcissism can also occur if parents are too giving. In order to develop a realistic view of the world children need boundaries to love. This is a challenge to parents, but if parents make the mistake of too much love children often believe the world revolves around them and become narcissists. So in order to not raise a narcissistic child you need a healthy balance between love and complete neglect.
The Bullying Narcissist
Ever been bullied at school before? That guy is a narcissist! This obsession to prey on the weak in order to boost their weak self-image is called the bullying narcissist. Later in life these bullies tend to attack those more successful than themselves. Seeing successful people is too difficult for a narcissist to handle in comparison to themselves so they lash out and try to bring them down in order to bring themselves up.
The Seductive Narcissist
The Seductive Narcissist showers you with attention. However, these gifts come from a place of selfishness. They don’t care about you; they just want you to love them. These narcissists are tricky. They exploit your own narcissism and pretend to care, pretend to listen and make you feel important so that you may return the favor. When you become seduced they begin to control you and only praise you when you do what they want. A good sign that you are dealing with a seductive narcissist is if you first meet someone and they love you for no apparent reason. Always ask yourself, what do they want from me?
The Grandoise Narcissisist
The Grandoise Narcissist takes narcissism to a whole new level. They believe they are so awesome that they don’t need to conform to social norms. When these people are in the public eye they make a scene, get into fights and break laws – All for the attention.
These narcissists are often even delusional to the point that they think they are exceptional despite low accomplishments. They believe themselves to be gifts not yet noticed.
The Self-Righteous Narcissist
The Self-Righteous Narcissist believe that they are the embodiment morality. That they know what is right and what is wrong. If you are not on their side then not only are you opposing them but you are opposing morality as well.
These people often fight for moral issues and are involved in righteous organizations such as religion. This is just a mask in order to feel more moral than others so that they can enact their moral wrath upon you.
A good way to spot a self-righteous narcissist is ignorance. Is this person ignorant of logic? No matter what you say if you are dealing with a narcissist then that person will believe you are wrong and that he is right despite any form of evidence you may have.
How Narcissists Escape
Another good sign that you are dealing with a narcissist is extreme alcohol and drug abuse. Often when a narcissist’s self-esteem gets hit, it is hard for them to recover. This shame is numbed by either drugs or alcohol, or both.
Another way narcissists have found to escape reality are games. Specifically Massively Multiplayer Online Role-playing Games(MMORPGs). These games like World of Warcraft allow you to escape reality by creating an avatar which can be the most powerful character in the virtual world. These gamers often find their virtual life way better than their real life and they get sucked into this alternate reality – Unable to cope with the real world.
What to Do About Narcissism
Narcissism needs to be treated like an addiction. The person I have been describing above is not an average selfish person. It is an irrational selfish, extremely narcissistic person. Unless you really care about this person then stay away. They are often extremely hard-headed and very stuck in their own realities. They can be so powerful that they make you question your own reality.
Luckily only about 4% are narcissists and only about 1% of narcissists go so far as to kill, rape or steal just to boost their ego. Narcissists can be the hardest to help because they don’t want help. I do wish I knew how to help extremely narcissistic people because I do believe anyone can come back but only if they want to. Until then, my advice is to just stay away from them.
Have a great day!
Iron Podcast dives even deeper into this subject. If you want more information I highly recommend you check it out. You’ll learn many other different types of a narcissist.