To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.
Effective Communication Tips
Effective communication skills are the most important skill you will learn in your life. It is the one skill that everybody uses everyday and mastering it can lead to more opportunities in your career, relationships and even education. The truth is if you want to learn from people who are the best in your industry you have to befriend them first. If you want a job or that promotion you have to befriend the managers. If you want healthy relationships you have to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex. Effective communication skills will ultimately give you the power to choose who comes and goes into your life and will open up many new opportunities.
Now that we’ve talked about the importance of effective communication lets go over how you would go about improving your communication. Improving your communication takes more than time and practice. You also have to be conscious of what you are doing wrong and fix it. When people miscommunicate it’s very easy to blame the other person and say that person wasn’t listening or he didn’t understand what you were saying. To summarize communication I have narrowed it down to what I like to call the three pillars of communication.
The whole reason why we communicate anything is to make something happen. What do you want this other person to do, or feel from your communication? So in order to have effective communication we have to be firm, loud and be sure that not only the words leave you mouth but it enters the other person’s ears, goes into their brain and they process what you want them to process.
The biggest problem I see most people make with this is that they don’t speak loud enough. Speaking loudly does two things. The first one is obvious – So the other person can hear you. The other part speaking loudly does is it shows that you are sure of what you are saying. In fact you are so sure in yourself that not only do you want the person you are talking to, to hear you don’t care if everyone around him hears.
This assertiveness can take any form as well. You can say a command assertively and loudly but you can also say a joke assertively. The command is you want the person to do something the joke is you want the person to feel something. Both should be said assertively and loudly. Most people don’t get what they want because they are not assertive enough.
If you are only assertive and you are not wary of how other people are feeling you can easily push people away. It is hard to communicate with somebody if the other person thinks you are emotionally detached from them. Empathy is a very human characteristic. In fact, we have evolved mirror neurons in our brains which allow us to be empathetic towards each other. It allows us to sense other people’s emotions and feel that same emotion. Like if somebody is crying we often feel sad for that person. That is empathy.
Empathy is important because that is what creates the bond in a relationship. It creates that feeling of this guy knows me, he understands me. It builds trust and you learn a lot about the other person through empathy. Whereas if you do not have empathy the other person will not feel like you and him are not on the same ground. It will feel like a disconnect. Why would you listen to somebody when that person doesn’t even seem to understand that you are upset or angry? Empathy is especially important in intimate relationships.
When you are communicating you will expose yourself to many different ideas. Many of these ideas you will not agree with. You may be completely against them. It’s important that you see problems from other people’s perspectives and not lash out at people because they don’t have the same views as you do.
Often times when we hear something we don’t like or disagree with we automatically create this sort of wall between the other person. We might pretend we are listening because we try to be nice but we’re consciously shut off. Some people might outright say they are wrong and I am right.
In order to be a successful communicator you can’t be this stubborn person who only looks at things from his own perspective. You need to branch out and look through the perspective of other people. You don’t have to agree with those ideas but realize people come from different places and different backgrounds. Give them a chance to convince you of their ideas instead of immediately closing yourself off from other people.
I want you to think about where in your life you may be lacking in one of these areas. I feel like a lot of people are lacking in assertiveness. Most people don’t speak loud enough and aren’t dominant in what they are saying. But what do you feel are your biggest hurdles in communication? It can be one or all three of these. Try to be more conscious of these things the next time you talk to people. Where you could’ve been more assertive, empathetic or open minded.
Have a great day!
Tony Robbins is a extremely sought after self development coach. He actually did a talk on effective communication. This video and all his other videos is definitely worth the watch!