I think we can all agree that we live in a very social society. As soon as we hit three years old we are thrown into a school with a bunch of kids. We go from knowing a small handful of family members who all love you to being tossed into this random group of kids that we don’t even know. From then on in order to survive you need to be social. You learn to make friends and you also learn to ask questions if you want to get good grades.
As an adult, this continues. In order to have food on the table, you need to be social. You need to go to that interview. You need to go to that networking event. You need to build that social circle and make those connections. In order to be in a relationship, you need to be social. Interviews, networking, dating, friends, even family are all imperative to living a valuable life but all require effective communication.
There are people in this world who miss out on a tremendous amount of opportunity because they lack the social skills necessary to build these connections that they crave in order to live the life they want. Not every family is able to instill complete confidence and self-esteem into their child. Not having anyone to hang out with can lead to depression, loneliness, and other mental problems as well. This is why it’s so important to improve your social skills. Something, that society doesn’t emphasize nearly enough.
It Doesn’t Matter What You Say
This first tip may surprise many people. But I truly believe this is why a lot of shy guys get stuck in their head. They keep thinking about “What do I say”. This little syndrome we have here is literally crippling introverts. Often times introverts get their energy from within. Meaning they calibrate what they are about to say before they say it.
Think of humans as input-output machines. We have a solid introvert in one corner. He basically inputs his own thoughts and then outputs his reaction. A reaction being just pure emotion. An introvert will say how do I feel about what I am about to say? An extrovert, on the other hand, is also an input-output machine. This person inputs other peoples thoughts and then outputs his reaction. This person basically says whatever is on his mind and then calibrates based on the reactions from other people. An extrovert would calibrate his emotions, his body language, his vocal tonality and what he will say next all from reactions from other people.
Both of these happen without the person noticing. In a nutshell, it is the differences in how people interpret reality. Do you interpret reality internally or externally? When it comes to social skills it is best to interpret reality the extroverted way. This is because there are millions of people out there with all different personalities, influences, and morals. Therefore, whatever data that you conclude in your brain before you speak is completely irrelevant because you don’t know what the other person’s background is.
As long as you are a person with normal moral standards; I would actually recommend you speak without thinking. The reason why people say think before you speak is for the people who do not calibrate after they speak. Once you say whatever is on your mind you need to look at the person’s reaction. Not doing this can come off as weird and look like you lack any emotional intelligence.
Did your joke push them the wrong way? Tell them you’re just joking around because you were. Are you trying to have a serious talk with the other person and they think you’re joking? Look at them straight in the eye and tell them “No, I’m serious.” Or something along those lines to tell them you are not joking around.
When you are thinking about other people’s reactions before you even speak you are simply selling yourself short and hiding your true self. Now, I am aware that in the workplace there are certain social standards you should abide by and I do recommend you put a small filter on what you say here. Reason being is because your joke might come off the wrong way on certain people. Some personalities clash and that’s fine. But in the workplace, if you upset the wrong people you could get in trouble. So I’m not recommending you sacrifice your job just because you can’t put a small filter on your language. But other than the workplace literally say whatever is on your mind. That is my number one recommendation to people who are struggling with this.
Have a great day!