When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else. -David Brin
Accountability vs Blame
How do you react when something bad happens to you? You get into a car accident, you injure yourself, somebody robs you. How do you deal with it? Do you blame yourself, other people or do you hold yourself accountable. You should 100% hold yourself accountable every, single, time and here’s why.
What is Blame
When I say you should hold yourself 100% accountable I mean even for things that are not your fault. Even that guy who rear ended you in the parking lot. Even the person who robbed you. Even if you were born with some disability or defect. You are 100% accountable for EVERYTHING in your life no matter what.
Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that you should blame yourself or other people. There is a difference between accountability and blame which you will realize at the end of this article. Especially when something out of our control happens to us we tend to point fingers at the person who we think caused it.
Robbed? Blame the robber. You did nothing wrong – Right?
Disabled? – Blame your mother or God or whatever. You did nothing wrong – Right?
Car accident? – Not your fault. That guy was drunk and ran the light. You did nothing wrong – Right?
It’s actually this blame mindset that causes a lot of frustration throughout our lives. We may not feel it after a few times but this blame mentality is what creates the victim mindset. When something bad happens to us and we cast blame on someone or something else out of our control what we end up doing is we give up control of the situation instead of responding to the situation itself. This giving up control actually causes more stress and frustration.
There is never a time where you should blame someone else for anything. It’s actually very immature to do so. The real reason why we blame is because it makes us feel better. If we hold ourselves accountable we risk hurting our ego. When in reality blaming other people may relieve the tension for the short term but it creates a lot of negativity in the long run. The sense that something bad happened to you – and you did nothing wrong to deserve that can lead to a mindset of ‘the universe is out to get me’.
What is Accountability
The better way to handle these situations is to again, hold yours
elf 100% accountable. What does this mean? It is to simply respond in the right way to whatever happens to you.
Let’s say you are in an abusive relationship – or maybe just a bad relationship that you want out of. You are super nice and you do everything but your spouse criticizes you, is extremely negative and even hits you. You are doing everything right it’s him or her right? You don’t deserve this – what wrong with him!
Instead of playing this blame game hold yourself 100% accountable. You are the one who went on date after date and ignored these signs. You are the one who chose to marry him. You can divorce any time you want. Instead of staying in this abusive relationship choose to do something about it. Don’t blame him or her or anyone. It stops us from taking action. In fact, really think about it. Every situation in your life is created by a string of your actions. When you start to take 100% accountability of your actions you become 100% in control of your life.
This accountability mentality will actually make you happier in life. When you realize things are in your control you actually get less mad and less emotional. When something out of your control does happen to you, you know you can be 100% in control of how you respond. This is extremely powerful because most of our frustration actually comes from blaming and giving up our power. When we feel like we are not in control we get upset. Instead of giving up control, take full control of your life!
You Can’t Always Change the Circumstance
Let’s use another example that’s a bit more serious. Say you got raped. Am I going to say the victim who got raped is 100% accountable for such a terrible act? The answer is again yes. If you got raped hold yourself accountable. Compared to the dating scenario before you can’t change this one. You got attacked and got taken advantage of; you had no control of the situation. But again, what you do have control of is how you respond.
A lot of people who get raped often lose all trust in the opposite sex. It could be years and year later and they are still very resentful against the opposite sex and it stops them from finding true love. It’s not even the physical violence of the rape that hurts the most it’s the emotional trauma that the person goes through. People go, “that person got rape it must’ve been terrible!“ It doesn’t have to be.
Based on how you respond to this situation you can be married with a happy family years later. Or you can be single, lonely and resentful years later. That is your choice. This is why things like staying present and meditation are so important. It helps you keep this mindset of the past doesn’t exist – Only the present exists, which you have full control of.
I want you to begin to adapt this new mindset of holding yourself 100% accountable f or everything you do. Literally everything. Start taking control of your life instead of giving up control. The one thing you can control is how you respond, your current thoughts and emotions. So don’t sweat the past. Take control of the present and create a future for yourself.
Have a great day!
RightFrameAcademy dives a bit deeper into this subject. I think it can be useful to you. They are pretty high quality videos and it has some good information. I hope it is useful to you.